Touched by COVID19 by Mazin Qumsiyeh

 

Pushing 74 now and recovering from COVID19 omicron infection myself, I received this thoughtful message from a Palestinian friend to whom I have often looked for inspiration.  Mazin does not disappoint.

[HumanRights] Touched by COVID19 

Mazin Qumsiyeh

 For four days now my old body is fighting the COVID19. IN this I had joined
some 360 million fellow human beings. I was reluctant to write on this
for many reasons including that the experiences of many others is far more
poignant. Two faculty members at the university and two close relatives and
several friends lost their lives already tp this virus. Dozens of friends
and relatives also survived it and described the experience to me
in detail. I guess similar to the pandemic of racism and colonialism
which took and still takes so many lives.

However,  immersion in the experience of being infected is different from
imagining it and  emotions twirling in my head are unanticipated including
those on morality and mortality. Scientific background provides a more
predictable thought process and more certainty about knowledge than
philosophical/religious human experience. The former gives results more
predictable while the latter gives us a different perspective than with
academic knowledge:

1) The easy part: As a biologist and judging my situation and degrees of
interaction with others, I knew it was inevitable that I would get
infected. I had studied the molecular biology and mutation rates of this
virus (and taught some of this to masters students in molecular biology). I
have looked at rates of infection, epidemiology, immunology, and
symptomatology. I knew there was no going back to a pre-COVID19 world.
Vaccination only helps (hopefully) make mortality rates lower but the
availability of billions of humans provides ample opportunity for mutation
and evolution of this and other viruses. Health and survival are related to
variables like diet, immune strength, genetics. I have also written
extensively on the need for restructuring our politics and economy in
radical ways if we are to have a post-covid world that is sustainable.
These memes are easy to agree on based on laws and data gathered by fellow
scientists.

2)  The hard part: epidemiology (theory of knowledge) shifts with personal
experience.  There are the pains and aches of an ailing body exacerbated in
my case with an already aging body.  When the organ systems do not function
in a normal way, the brain is also affected. So we start to think of our
past more and the uncertainty of our future. How much have I donated of my
time and money? Have I left a good legacy and will it last (e.g. our
Palestine INstitute for Biodiversity and Sustainability palestinenature.org)?
Will I be able to finish the books that are pending? Did I allocate enough
time to young people? Did I do my best? Will I have a dignified end when it
comes whether soon or ten years from now? These are questions that a
scientific analytical mind does less well with than the graphs, figures and
projections of epidemiology and patient health indicators.

In making a judgment on anything including on our own lives, we take into
consideration complex variables and the result may not be clear cut. I and
my wife did contribute a significant amount of money (so far over $300,000)
towards sustainability in our community (of human and natural communities).
This is small compared to having left lucrative jobs in the US and devoting
full time volunteering for many years (value is in the hundreds of
thousands more). Yet, when ill, you reflect on whether this is enough. The
same thought process I noted with some friends at their deathbed. Have we
given of ourselves enough?
Khalil Gibran wrote " You give but little when you give of your possessions.
It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. For what are your
possessions but things you keep and guard for fear you may need them
tomorrow? And tomorrow, what shall tomorrow bring to the overprudent dog
burying bones in the trackless sand as he follows the pilgrims to the holy
city? And what is fear of need but need itself?"

I reflect on things I wrote years ago that shaped my own behavior. Things
like this article on enlightened self-interest
http://qumsiyeh.org/onenlightenedselfinterest/ and felt grateful that at
least I tried to reinvent myself and recheck my own morality frequently.
But also the need to keep striving to "have joyful participation in the
sorrows of this world."

So in these days of vulnerability and uncertainty, I ask myself: how much
fear I have shed? Is it enough? As always challenges provide opportunities
and I always grateful for challenges. Even breathing hard makes us
appreciate good clean air. I am grateful for everything and regret so
little. Grateful for having a kind loving wife.  Grateful for thousands of
friends, Grateful for animals and plans. Grateful for the rain. For mother
earth.

Thoughts are rumbled and humbled by a small (mean) virus. Thoughts of
departed friends and relatives. I miss my father, grandmother, grandfather,
uncles and aunts. I miss friends like Qavi. One strand remained clear:
needing to light more candles instead of cursing the darkness and
being grateful for all we have. Thank you for so many of you who continue
to help others and thus  continue to give us hope.  And yes, thank you to
all challenges in life oppression, injustice, occupation challenges and
even COVID19. My late professor Robert Baker used to tell me what does not
kill you only makes you stronger. I am grateful for the chance to reflect
on mortality and morality, strength and weakness, love and giving. If fate
has it that I get a few more years to live (I am 65) then this experience is
well worth it as it helps me reset even stronger along a steadier path..

With much love to all


Stay Human and keep Palestine alive

Mazin Qumsiyeh
A bedouin in cyberspace, a villager at home
Professor, Founder, and (volunteer) Director
Palestine Museum of Natural History
Palestine Institute of Biodiversity and Sustainability
Bethlehem University
Occupied Palestine
http://qumsiyeh.org
http://palestinenature.org
facebook pages
Personal https://www.facebook.com/mazin.qumsiyeh.9
Museum https://www.facebook.com/PIBS.PMNH


Palestinian woman in traditonal dress